I just can't get myself to grasp the idea that it's been two years since my dad passed away. It sure has been a rough two years. I know that things will never be the same again. I tried to get my computer working so I could upload the old pictures I have stored on it, but I didn't have any luck. So, I guess I'll have to do a tribute with my words.
He was always a caring man,ready to help even if you didn't want it. Involoved and compassionate, he taught me so many different things. I miss him so much, especially when I get to the times when I'd like nothing better than to ask for his fatherly advise. I never did get to record all of the stories of our family history, I wish so much that I hadn't procratinated and pretended that I had all the time in the world. He was still pretty young, a 64 year old man. I beat myself up and keep wondering what would have happened if.... I know he wouldn't want that, but I just can't make myself stop! Now I'm just stuck out here on my own, learning as I go, trying to grow into a better person, and hoping that one of these days I'll get it right so I don't have to be stuck in these precarious circumstances that I am now seemingly constantly finding myself in.
Thank you for stopping by. Please leave me a message and a backlink. I'd love to hear your thoughts!
Cindy
10 comments:
What a wonderful tribute to your dad. You've just made me realize I should appreciate mine a little more.
Thanks,
Deb.
It is really hard to lose a parent so young. I lost my dad when I was 19. He was 50. What I miss most is my kids not getting to know him. My oldest son is a lot like him.
I'm sending healing hugs your way. I'm sure this is a tough week for you about your house too. This would be a time when a father could help a lot especially emotionally. I will be keeping you close to my heart. Hugs to you.
Sorry to hear about your sorrow, and I wish I could say it gets easier. My dad's been gone 22 years, and I still miss him just as much. The only comfort is that he was so sick, now he's pain free. Hugs to you...hang in there.
I'm sure he is proud of you Cinj. We all seem to make the mistake of thinking we have "forever" when nothing is certain, don't we? It's good you have so many fond memories to think back on...
I know what you mean about recording family stories. I'm lucky to still have my dad, but I can't get him to tell his stories for a camera or even a tape recorder. So, it might not have worked even if you had tried it. It seems no matter how old we get, there's a part of us that is, and always will be, Daddy's Little Girl.
Cinj, your feelings are completely normal.Sixty five was very young. I lost my dad this year at age 70, and feel that was way too young as well.I found comfort in words that a friend shared~that a piece of our dad is carried on through us.
We all procrastinate and believe that we have all the time in the world. Who would want to go there before it's time to. Be kind to yourself, and take care.
Nancy- Thanks. He had such a big heart. He was so misunderstood too, I wish I had done more to make his life easier.
Deb- Make wise use of the time you had. Moments you have are precious and fleeting. Don't forget to take every advantage to chat with him and have him hang out with his grandkids.
Anna- I'm glad that my kids were able to know him even if it's just a little bit. I can see a lot of him in my son. Thanks for all the virtual hugs and support, it's nice to have people out there pulling for you.
Lisa- You know, many people probably think I'm a bit crazy when I say this. When I was outside my Dad's house on the day that he died, I felt this incredible calming peace like a warm embrace from beyond that reassured me that he was with God where he belonged. I wish I could have that feeling again, it made me feel so good. For that brief moment I felt like I could handle anything that the world had to give me.
Kathleen- Thank you so much. I sure like to think so. I sure wish I had more than just memories.
MMD- Well, if he's shy around recording devices just make sure to write it down. I sure wish that my memory served me better so I could recall some of the things he told me. Enjoy the time you have!
Oh Cinj, what a beautiful tribute to your Dad, I'm sure he was very proud of you. I too have learned so much from my Dad, it's just a reminder that we are here for our children and grandchildren, to teach them so the legacy goes on. Big hugs!
Cindy, you wrote: "I beat myself up and keep wondering what would have happened if...." I think everyone feels a bit (or more) of guilt and thoughts of: I/we should have done more, or this or that, but you are right, he wouldn't want you to feel that way. But, it is natural that you do, I think we all do. The truth is, we probably couldn't have changed the flow of life and death. He will be with you in your thoughts, your dreams, and there will be reminders everywhere. So, he really isn't totally gone. It is just so hard not to be able to talk to them. I understand some of what you feel. Talk about him to your kids. They will remember your stories and feel they know him through what you share.
You are such a sweet person; love you.
Kathi- Thanks. I hope he is, I always tried so hard to please him. He wasn't one to give many compliments so I held on tight to the ones I got.
Barbee- Aww, thanks. I am a soft hearted person who feels so unsure of myslef I usually have trouble recalling memories unless other people start dredging them up. Awful, isn't it?
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